There is a HUGE LIE out there. It goes like this: “If you can get LOTS OF GIRLS INTO BED, then you MUST be able to have a successful long-term relationship”.
And the false logic continues with: “If you can get lots of girls who are ATTRACTIVE into bed, then you can FOR SURE get one girl who is “HOT” for a long term relationship”.
This lie is seriously hurting a lot of people. Why? Because deep down, 99.99 percent of guys DO SERIOUSLY WANT a great relationship.
That doesn’t mean they are NEEDY for one in some desperate way.
It just means they know what they want most.
In fact, the VAST, VAST VAAAAAAAAST majority of supposedly “cool” “pick up artists” were either BURNED in relationships or were incapable of the emotional maturity to even have a normal relationship in the first place. And they are protecting their weak fragile ego by staying out of any long term situation that can burn them again. Also, they have created a lifestyle that serves as a self-defense mechanism of distracting themselves with instant short-term temporary validations (much of which comes from their MALE peers, which is very pathetic, because it means they are not even enjoying being with that woman but rather they live for the validation and props of their male peers who also have no real lives of their own or they would be too busy for such b.s.)
This lifestyle keeps them in nice safe secure buffer zone that is nicer than total loneliness, but lacking the intimacy of something like a real relationship.
In reality, they are the softies, because they are so freakin’ scared out of their skulls to actually put any emotional risk into anything.
Also, some of these guys know it’s screwed up and don’t even live that life or don’t even really want it but they keep up the image of being that type of guy for biz to pretend they are “cool” to a bunch of fools who know even less than they do who still think it’s cool since they haven’t even had some much as a real conversation with a girl in their lives, so for them the idea of sleeping with lots of girls seems like a fantasy.
The guys who were BURNED got the MISGUIDED notion that they would “GET the girl” from NOW ON, and they would prove it to themselves over and over again. It made them feel secure.
Except for two things:
They were not getting “the girl”. They were just getting “a girl”.
In fact, they are REPULSING the kind of girl they wanted MOST.
They were getting a girl that sleeps with LOTS of guys, and they were distracting themselves from this fact by sleeping with other girls, (who of course did the same thing, because that’s the kind of girls you get in this scene) and so on and so on, in a never ending cycle.
They were NOT getting the emotional “juice” or REWARD that they really wanted.
They wanted the CONNECTION, the long term connection AND the attraction. But they were and are not getting it.
Because even CRAZY girls with a DROP of sanity are not going to have some guy seeing other girls while THEY continue to be faithful.
It’s not just that this is “unfair”, it’s that it DESTROYS the whole MEANING of sharing one’s life with another person at the highest level. There’s no POINT for a girl to be in this, unless she is some low self esteem girl or some girl who feels she has NO CHOICES.
So, the ONLY girl that will tolerate a guy seeing other girls is a girl that is NOT emotionally serious at all about the guy.
But eventually, if not immediately, most guys and girls want something MORE than this.
It has NOTHING to do with NEEDINESS.
I can give you ENDLESS examples of guys who had INFINITE choice of women who were ABSOLUTELY NOT NEEDY who WANTED to make a serious EXCLUSIVE relationship work, from Hugh Hefner the guy who started Playboy to rock stars like Gene Simmons (who seems to have successfully pulled it off and stayed away from drugs as well for many years), and about a MILLION other guys who had and have plenty of choice among women.
It has to do with being EMOTIONALY DEVELOPED as opposed to being emotionally retarded.
NEEDINESS is one thing. But the INABILITY to BOND or the FEAR of bonding is a sign of emotional wreckage.
So, the irony is, that in the eyes of any EMOTIONALY DEVELOPED WOMAN, if she sees a guy who got hurt by some woman, and then he decides to RUN from intimacy and instead DEAFEN the voices of his emotions for CONNECTION by DROWNING himself in the INSTANT EMOTIONAL DISTRACTION of getting notches on his bedpost and getting TEMPORARY DISTRACTION with one partner after another, this type of behavior will actually PUSH AWAY THE WOMAN of QUALITY that indeed he REALLY wanted.
In fact, if any guy thinks he is “getting his dignity back” and getting “validated” by that type of lifestyle, the reality is that he is ACTUALLY coming across as REPULSIVE to any woman of QUALITY.
So this is by no means some moral instruction. It’s just a fact that you need to BECOME what you want to ATTRACT. Because you attract that which you ARE.
You are a guy who is cool, fun, not needy, but ready for emotional connection and some emotional risk? You’ll find you get along quite well in a convo with a similar woman.
You are a guy who is all about short term only? You’ll find you get along quite well with a similar woman.
Now, mix the two up, and it’s a different story.
Now, the thing is, the mind is very sophisticated organism. You ARE what you THINK and DO.
So, if you were BURNED AND EMOTIONALLY INVALIDATED in a relationship, the relative emotional GAP between that PAIN and the at least TEMPORARY VALIDATION PLEASURE of winning “another conquest” feels GREAT. For a brief moment. So you move on to the next woman. Etc.
And if you do that ALL THE TIME, you start to seriously think that is the only world that really has any meaning. Because you take on the beliefs that THAT is the way to go.
You BLIND yourself to any OTHER reality.
Which is why pick up artists are addicted to the NEXT one, because the validation and emotional reward is so weak that they have to do it again with someone new to help distract themselves. No wonder it is a lifestyle, because it has to be REGULAR AND REPEATING, or it quickly lacks ANY meaning altogether.
And if you don’t believe me, go and try it. Live the pick up lifestyle, and make sure to get new partners as well, so don’t JUST do pickup and focus on how attraction works, like a fisherman who fishes but puts the fish back to the sea, but actually have lots of partners as well, for a few months.
And then see how you feel if you stop for one or two days. See how you feel. It feels like something is very empty. As if there is a NEED to go and do pick up because NOTHING else seems to mean anything, and that’s because everything else reminds you of the OTHER world which is a real downer when you are not part of it. In fact, you go so far as to BERATE the other world as in “haaa look at those fools in relationships haaa all just waiting to get cheated on those fools haaa”.
This gives the cult like movement a nice security blanket to feel good about being nuts.
But they need that blanket, because the validation is short term for guys in this lifestyle.
ESPECIALLY since these guys know that THE CHICKS they have been having sex with do NOT CARE about them on even a FRACTION of the level of something that would exist in a REAL relationship that actually WORKED.
In fact, that’s ***WHY*** the chick has sex with him. It’s because she DOESN’T care that much, so it doesn’t matter if she’s not really ATTRACTED to him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After all, he’s only the LATEST guy! There will be another guy by Tuesday!
So she DOESN’T’ CARE if she is not attracted, he is simply there for CONVENIENCE for now.
So that guy that is a TOTAL DORK that becomes a pick up addict? He’s an even BIGGER dork now if he think that PICK UP IN AND OF ITSELF IS MAKING HIM “THE MAN”, because at least before he KNEW he was getting a raw deal, so he got out of it, but now, he THINKS the chicks care about him, when in fact they would sell him for a piece of toilet paper in an instant. And yet, he THINKS he’s THE MAN.
Now THAT’S sad.
This is the stuff that the sleaze balls DO NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW.
In fact, they will tell you that “Any chick who isn’t up to the instant-gratification-SEX-right away-program must have LOW SELF-ESTEEM and have “ISSUES”!!!! So they tell the guy, “You deserve to have a better girl than that, like this s-k-a-n-k right here for example! Go for her, man!”
So, that means it’s all about QUANTITY. Next, next, next. Mass production. The instant orgasm mentality.
To me, learning pick up is a MEANS to an ENDS. It’s NOT about pick up for pick-ups sake. The process is fun, yes, but it’s fun because you are learning SO MUCH about human interaction.
And the truth is, no matter how many times a pick up artist tries to pretend that it’s not about the lifestyle in and of itself, how the *&^% can he really mean it when he keeps on showing off about his CONQUESTS?????????
Clearly, for these guys, it IS about the lifestyle. And that lifestyle is based MOST on: Getting validation from other GUYS.
Don’t get me wrong. A REAL relationship, a GREAT relationship with a woman is many things, and ONE of those things is CARNAL. Definitely.
It’s just not the ONLY thing.
And in fact, the SEX becomes BETTER with time if you know how to CONNECT with each other on a very deep level because you are able to UNLEASH and you are able TO TRUST so much deeper than with anyone else, because after all, you have SHARED so much more.
The problem is that these days we are living in an emotionally RETARDED society. We have often bad examples that teach us. The truth is that the greatest gift parents can give their children is to love each other but how often does this happen? Sometimes, children who had rough childhoods where the parents did not love each other actually have a GREATER desire for a real relationship, because they APPRECIATE how precious it is to have that and they really want that for themselves. So if they meet another person like that, they might hit it off really well. But sometimes it creates a cynicism in people, and a belief that life is all about “me”, or insecurities that the other gender is never to be trusted, etc.
So of course, that makes for a really selfish relationship that crumbles long term. Where everything is about the career, or the money, or the bigger house, the car, or comparing with the neighbor’s house or car. Sure greed has ALWAYS been part of human nature, but at least there were COMPETING values at one time. But now, it takes a real INDIVIDUAL THINKER to not be swept up with the masses.
Similar to the individual who is not swept up with the current TREND of pick up lifestyle.
And like all trends, it will sway one way, and then the next, like Madonna who preaches as the material girl, the sexual girl, then the spiritual girl, and anything else she can to keep changing her image as something new.
BUT REAL EMOTIONAL TRUTH DEFIES TRENDS.
IT IS UNIVERSAL AND TIMELESS.
Which is why if you are serious about a great relationship, you have to SCREEN for the right woman with the right values.
And such a woman is hardly going to be DRAWN to a guy that lives the lifestyle of constant gaming, pick up, and multiple partners.
Now, this brings me to PART II:
Before I continue, I just want to mention that you will be doing ME and the WORLD a huge favor if you FORWARD this newsletter to people you think could LEARN from it.
The CRUCIAL QUESTION then is:
HOW DO YOU ATTRACT A WOMAN OF QUALITY FOR A GREAT LONG TERM RELATIONSHIP?
And the answer to that is SIMPLE, yet not EASY.
You must be COMPELLING and yet also be a GOOD PERSON.
Believe me, women WANT a good guy. I SWEAR TO IT.
Especially women who are great people themselves. They ESPECIALLY want a guy who is a great person.
It’s just that they want a good guy who they are ATTRACTED to.
Just like YOU want a good woman who you are also ATTRACTED to.
It’s MUCH EASIER to create some SHORT TERM impact by resorting to the energies of the NEGATIVE.
Kinda like what Yoda said about the force. One side was easier, faster. But he never said it was stronger.
And when you give in to the easy but wrong path, you get the consequence, AS THE UNIVERSE GIVES YOU BACK ULTIMATELY WHAT YOU GAVE.
For example, think to yourself of how RARE it is even for HOLLYWOOD to create TRULY compelling characters who are also GOOD people? So often, the good guys seem boring. But Hannibal Lecter, there’s someone INTERESTING. Or the bad guys in Pulp Fiction.
But those kind of movies just catch our attention for a brief moment, then pass, forgotten and not desired to be repeated. (p.s. that’s why Tarantino really is only famous for that ONE movie even though at the time everyone said he would be the next big thing. )
They don’t LAST with us in a good way. You don’t want to see it over and over again. Because you DON’T LIKE THE CHARACTER.
Now, contrast THAT with the RARE GOOD GUY who IS compelling: Think of Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. Sure, he’s not perfect, he’s human, but he’s a NORMAL guy, and a GOOD guy who really WANTS to be with his kid.
And he’s ALSO got INFINITE PERSONALITY. TONS of AWESOME stuff, from the way he connects with his kid when he DOES do it right to the way he roasts all his office colleagues.
And his sense of confident humor. Seriously, go rent the flick. SEE CONFIDENT PERSONALITY IN ACTION.
Now, of course, you have to be careful not to TEETER over the edge to become GOOFY, but if you’re too serious, you can learn a LOT from a guy like that.
Similarly, the MASK. The Mask’s humor and personality is NEVER submissive, yet he is FUNNY AS HECK. In fact, his humor IS SOAKING in confidence.
Yes, these are comedies, but the DUDE has awesome PERSONALITY. When he puts on that mask, he UNLEASHES all the awesome stuff that IS REALLY HIM that he normally in his other identity, (the repressed by society version of himself) would NOT let out.
Most GOOD guys need to put on a Mask like that to unleash the COOL YET GOOD GUY underneath.
Similarly, the new Star Wars movies SUCK because the GOOD GUYS all seem BORING as hell. (the bad guys are boring too, but that’s besides the point)
But the OLD Star Wars movies, ALL the GOOD GUYS had COMPELLING CHARACTERS, PERSONALITIES, IDENTITIES. (In fact, all the characters were interesting, women as well.)
Especially a guy like Han Solo, but really ALL the characters were interesting.
It’s much much MUCH more cool to have a guy that IS a good guy and IS ALSO cool than it is to just be A JERK.
i.e. Luke, Han Solo, James Bond, Indiana Jones, and even the likes of Jim Carrey’s characters in his movies, like The Mask!
You can be lots of things, but you can’t be BORING.
But because GOOD GUYS tend to often be SILENT when it comes to making the first impression, they lose by default to the jerks who really are just a TINY iota better than NOTHING.
So, just like in the movies, where audiences would rather see INTERESTING bad guys than BORING good guys, (i.e. Pulp Fiction) so too in the real world the JERKS get EASY attention.
They are forgotten easily too. But this is why you as a GOOD GUY have a RESPONSIBILITY to STAND OUT in a COOL WAY, otherwise you are LETTING the jerks win by DEFAULT.
Being a COOL AND INTERESTING GOOD GUY is farrrrrrrrrrrrrrr MORE rare and far more powerful than just being a jerk.
So if YOU can be that good guy who is ALSO cool and compelling, you are going to RULE.
Same thing by the way when it comes to women, it’s rare to meet a woman who is a GOOD PERSON and is ALSO a great fun person to be with. Too often, the good girls let themselves go and aren’t sexy, and too often the sexy girls are too superficial. But a girl who is sexy and has the personality as well, she will RULE. And you can bet she is not going to settle for some jerk.
That flick The Notebook, same thing, there are actually NO JERKS in that movie, the lead guy is not a jerk and yet he is still INTERESTING, he is COMPELLING.
And hmmmm, chicks LOVE that movie.
THE VIBES of the flick are what creates the MOOD, the STATE OF MIND, in the person watching it.
AND IN REAL LIFE, THE VIBES YOU GIVE A WOMAN LOOONG TERM ARE WHAT COUNT.
If a guy is a sleaze-ball, and you are with a GOOD woman, she will EVENTUALLY catch on. Unfortunately, many sleaze-balls have learned to ACT decent enough to get a woman short term. That’s why I say saint or bastard, attraction is about understanding what WORKS and DOING it.
But the thing is, to be effective, you have to be CONGRUENT. Your actions and words and everything about you has to be consistent. A sleaze ball simply will find it too much WORK to ACT congruent on all these levels and WILL slip up and he will be dumped on his butt.
But it’s really sad to see guys who WERE good guys, who become sleazeballs or even lower their own standards of behavior because they think it will ATTRACT a woman of QUALITY the same way it attracted the other lower caliber women.
The biggest IRONY is that pick up artists all talk about “vibing” but the LIMITS to this vibing are SO PATHETIC.
Because the extent of vibing you need for having sex with a party girl is very LITTLE.
In a REAL RELATIONSHIP, you have to naturally have this VIBE about you LONG TERM, even after heated arguments, hard times, etc. You like each other because of the REAL VIBES that you have for each other’s TOTALITY, that includes sexuality for sure, but ALSO INCLUDES YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY. Not JUST sex. But why would pick up artists care about that?
To me, while I was learning about pick up, I focused on learning about ALL THE EMOTIONS involved in human interaction, because sex was not my only concern.
You’ve probably noticed that about me throughout the years if you’ve been a long time follower of the newsletters as well as my materials of course.
So how can you be a GOOD GUY while also having a COMPELLING personality and “aura”?
I can’t tell you how to be a good guy, I’m assuming you already ARE.
But being a good guy who is compelling requires you to know how to DEVELOP the parts of yourself that ARE cool and UNIQUE.
And you have to learn to SHOW these dimensions of yourself as well, or a woman won’t know a thing about you when you first meet her. Often, that’s your only chance to make an impression.
In order to do that, you need to also understand how to reflect your individuality through MANY THINGS, including your sense of STYLE, to name just ONE thing.
You also need to learn how to take on a NEW WAY of looking at the world that will LIBERATE your emotions and make you super resourceful to accomplish what you thought was impossible, both in your love life and in your career.
You need to learn how to unleash your identity, and communicate it through your humor as well. It helps to understand in fact what HUMOR is, and also what ATTRACTIVE humor is.
And you also need to have a plan that you can fall back on in case you meet a woman and for a second you STALL. A plan that enables you to STILL go about the interaction even if you WEREN’T IN PERFECT STATE.
And I can show you ALL THIS, in DETAIL, in a clearly organized, easy to understand way.
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